I was hoping that my next post was going to be all about our new home. But sometimes things do not work out the way we plan. Instead, it is my youngest daughter's 4th birthday. We had one celebration with all of her friends before we left Colorado, about a month ago. It was fabulous to see how many people's lives we had become part of in such a short amount of time. We are celebrating again with family and friends, but not Daddy. He will be there in spirit, in wishing, in hoping that this year for her is wonderful and not spend too long far from him. Or maybe that is my wishing, for him, for her, for her sister, for me.
It sucks being separated. I thought it sucked on his deployment and at that time, it was just me and him and a baby (our oldest) growing inside of me. There were other times the military took him away as the girls grew, but never more than a month. A month isn't too long when you think about it. But it the midst of it, a month, a day, a week, it seems forever.
We are staying with my mom (Nana) and NetNet and Lala. I feel lucky and loved to be able to stay with them as the search continues for our home. The girls are well-loved here, well-taken care of. They have started school, begun to make friends, and seen cousins and aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas that we normally don't get to see. We have found our rhythm here. But a very important person of their lives is missing from their every day. Phone calls, video chats, and snail mail is wonderful tools to keep connected, but it isn't the same.
I miss him. You don't even have to ask. It is a constant, an ache. But it is also an opportunity, to talk, but not just talk. Words have a higher purpose when distance separates you from your love. Words are what connect you. They have a power that isn't always present when you are in the same room, same home, same city.
But now, this moment, I will tuck the missing him away. Our family will celebrate youngest's birthday with joy. Acknowledging the space, but letting joy fill in the empty space. For today, I will make sure she knows how much we all love her (and just fyi- we have video chatted three times with him today already) and how special she is.
